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A dragon walked into a post office
Did she summon a god?
This is Ran, your fictional host for this newsletter as usual. I know I don't need to keep saying that, but if I don't tell you who's writing this newsletter, then how will you know?
Maybe that question doesn’t keep you awake night, but it does that to me. I just want credit where credit is due.
(Please don’t tell my papa, Sarn, from the Curse Breaker series about this newsletter or that there’s a whole lot of books about him. I love him, but if you told him, it would land me a lot of trouble, and I’d have a lot of explaining to do. So please don’t!)
And now you’re thinking this is a weird way to start an email. It is, but I’m supposed to be honest in here, and I think about this a lot!
But let’s move on to book news and other fun stuff.
I hope you had a happy Halloween if you celebrated it. I didn’t because I’m kind of stuck in summer. I’ve said this before and it’s still true. We only exist when you read us, and that’s why I took over the newsletter. So you’d read about me once a week. :)
But did you know that the timeline only advances when a new book publishes and you read it?
Since it was like August in Shards For His Gift, I’m stuck there until our next book drops. But Chasing Dragons won’t advance the timeline too much unfortunately. There will be dragons though, so I overlook that as long as I get to ride one.
I have more book news to deliver, but I'll get to that in a minute because first I have a question for you.
Have you ever wanted a signed copy of one of our books?
We've never offered that before because we'd have to buy the books, ship them to the Scribe’s apartment so Melinda can sign them, and then ship the signed books to you. So the books are shipped twice which is not great for the environment.
But we have extra copies of some books. A certain character didn’t realize we already had copies, and they might have ordered more in case some readers showed up at our door in dire need of a fun fantasy adventures. It could happen. So it’s best to be prepared.
After all, if kids can don costumes and come seeking candy, then readers could go door to door looking for books. Or we could just send them in the mail. That works too!
If you've been a subscriber for a long time, than you know about our misadventures with the post office. Certain characters aren’t allowed to ever set foot inside there ever again. There might even be a poster with pictures of those characters so if any postal employee sees them on the premises, they can escort them out.
If you forgot about that chapter in our newsletter adventures, this is what happened:
The dragon who delivers our newsletter and our e-books decided to try mailing books. But she didn't understand that you had to pay for postage. The postal workers tried to explain to the dragon what she needed to do, but she got upset and she might have breathed fire on some flammable things like boxes and envelopes and parcels waiting for delivery.
The postal workers were understandably horrified by this. So began the first and only battle for the post office in a quiet suburb of New York City. (That we know of.)
During the battle to put out the fire and subdue the dragon, the post office employees wielded the weapons they had at hand. (They had scissors and those things you use to put tape on boxes instead of swords and axes and this cylindrical red thing that breathes white smoke to put the fires out.)
The dragon choked on the smoke the red cylinder thing produced from the black magic wand attached to it, so she turned and crashed through the glass doors to get outside.
So she's not allowed back, and I totally understand why. If it were my post office, I would have barred her too.
But some curious characters were also there to witness the disaster because why wouldn't we want to see that?
This happened in the days when that dragon tried every week to take over this newsletter. She might even be plotting that right now as I type this. Do you see why I worry about this?
So she isn’t allowed to enter any US post office. But our Scribe, Melinda, can go in there. Melinda wasn't present for this battle, so she wasn't barred from the premises for all eternity.
And yes, this is my long, roundabout way of asking if you’d like to buy signed copies of our books. If you do, then we'd love to know which books you would want signed and where you are in the world, so we can find out how much it will cost to mail them to you.
We've heard other authors do this thing called signed bookplates. We don't have any, but now that we know they exist, we could get some made. Someone out there must make them. We just need to find them.
I need to point out one thing though. There's no guarantee that Melinda's signature will actually be legible. No shame on any of her public school penmanship teachers who never could get her to write legibly.
That's why any communication you get from us is typed. I don't think Melinda has written anything by hand or put pen to paper in about 3 years, so her signature might have devolved into squiggles. But you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that she made those squiggles, and that she tried hard to make those wiggles look like an actual name.
If a signed book is something you’d like to get for the holidays, you can reply to this email or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org to register your interest. If we do offer signed copies, we’ll do it through our Gumroad store. So it’s not a clandestine transaction in some back alley of the internet.
Next week, I have some big news. I ranted a little too much in this one, so I’ll just save that news for next Monday.
Or maybe Melinda spilled all the beans in this week’s podcast, episode #79. You’ll have to listen to find out:
New Podcast Episodes & Videos
Are We Summoning the Gods? - Rogue Gods Trilogy Update
New Releases, Sales, & Other Book Stuff
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